By Sue Sveum
Dealing with an illness, accident or surgery is hard enough — but what no one tells you is that once you’re physically on the road to recovery, that’s often when the emotional stress and heaviness sets in.
I know. A week after my second mastectomy, I thought I was doing great — until my pumpkin pie meltdown. My favorite part of the Thanksgiving meal — the one I’d made a million times before — turned out undercooked and inedible. It ended up in the garbage disposal. And I ended up in tears. Then, feeling guilty about ruining everything, I cried some more.
But I learned three important things from Dr. Victoria Egizio, a psychologist with SSM Health. Emotional stress stemming from surgery or illness is very real — and very common. And, it’s OK to ask for help.
“Stress after [a health] event can be caused by factors such as disruptions in routine, restrictions or new challenges to navigate. The brain and body may also be on edge due to changes in the nervous system, [physical] pain and the emotional toll of the experience,” says Dr. Egizio. “These factors can make it harder to bounce back and cope.”
Beth Gramz, a married mom with three young children, was 33 when she was diagnosed with stage 3 triple negative breast cancer. Seven years later, she’s doing great, but still remembers how the chemo, radiation, surgery — and fear — all took its toll.
“I wanted this outward persona of being really strong and brave for both myself and my family while in treatment,” she says. “I didn’t want to show those moments when I felt super fearful or like crying to anybody else. I wanted to be what they think I am.”
But according to Gramz, the most frightening time was after treatment ended — when a mixture of relief and anxiety set in. Anger issues from masking that anxiety appeared later, progressing slowly over a few months.
“I felt so scared and angry but the more I tried to mask how scared I was, the angrier I got,” she says. That was when I realized I wasn’t as strong and happy and brave as I thought I was.” Dr. Egizio understands. “It’s important to be aware of your feelings,” she says.
“If you recognize sad and/or anxious shifts in your thoughts or feelings sooner rather than later, you can get the support you need and prevent things from getting worse.”
That’s what Gramz did, after a bit of introspection. “My feelings were overwhelming, and I ended up a really angry person. It wasn’t healthy,” she reflects. “I was taking it out on my family and friends, which wasn’t fair to them — so my only answer was outside help.”
She picked from a list of therapists that she could get into (and were covered by her insurance) and began her road to emotional recovery. “My therapist helped me realize that [what I had] was PTSD from the trauma of being sick,” she says. And having someone to talk to made a world of difference for her.
Whether it’s PTSD, anxiety or fear, it’s common for these feelings to manifest later — and be difficult to process “Reaching out to someone for help when we’re struggling is a big step and takes bravery,” says Dr. Egizio. “But getting support from someone who can give you a safe space to voice your struggles and find solutions helps you move forward, armed with the tools and resources to cope.”
CREATING CONNECTIONS
If you’ve gone through a major health challenge, you understand the mix of fear, anxiety and uncertainty that comes with it. Even when your health journey is in the rearview mirror, the emotional toll of all of those doctor’s visits, health procedures and family stressors doesn’t automatically go away.
In the case of cancer survivors, Gilda’s Club Madison is an invaluable resource. The nonprofit provides free emotional support, connection and cancer education to children and adults with any kind of cancer. They offer a variety of support groups where survivors and their families can share their stories and navigate challenging times.
“At Gilda’s Club, our support programs are about more than just talking. They are a place where people impacted by cancer are seen, heard and understood. All programs are offered at no cost to participants: support groups, cancer education, healthy living activities, resource/referral and social connections,” explains Lannia Stenz, executive director/CEO of Gilda’s Club Madison.
Learn more at gildasclubmadison.org.
