By Betsy Korbinyr | Photo courtesy Betsy Korbinyr
When we lose someone we love, our brains process the grief searching for answers, trying to make sense of things. Our bodies mourn; we weep, refusing to eat, yearning until our hearts feel they’re breaking. Though difficult, these physical reactions are all natural parts of navigating an emotional loss. It’s referred to as the grieving body.
There is another side to this coin. It is the deep sense of mourning we feel from changes that happen in our own bodies, known as body grief.
We experience body grief when we have to incorporate complex changes related to our internalized self-image. It is the lack of trust in a hand that no longer functions the same after a stroke, the loss of a limb or a breast, an injury that extinguishes our ability to participate in a sport we love, and the inevitable shifts that come with aging. It is about inhabiting a body that no longer seems to fit — one we feel betrayed by in some way. However, it is vital to remember that we are not separate from our body and our body still has value even though there has been a physical change.
Whether we are experiencing emotional loss or body grief, the remedy is the same approach: Treating ourselves like we would a dear friend. Giving ourselves grace and gentleness, kindness and forgiveness, comfort and meaning. It involves not comparing our situations with others by engaging with platitudes such as,
“You’re lucky you don’t have (fill in the blank).” We are each on our own journey and equating our losses with others is not healing for us. It includes seeking support from professionals if the struggle becomes too daunting; staying grounded in the positives that remain; and finding the space for quiet reflection by spending time experiencing the wonder and awe of nature, allowing ourselves to just be present in the moment.
There is no returning to “normal” after a significant loss, but there will be a new normal. Like any form of grief, actively processing and acknowledging the accompanying emotions that we feel about our bodies helps us find our way to a settled, restorative place.
Betsy Korbinyr is a retired social worker who specialized in grief and bereavement, and the author of the award-winning book, “Time, Beauty, and Grief: A Hike Through Wisconsin’s 50 State Parks.”
