By Katy Ripp
You’ve been so many things to so many people.
Boss. Co-worker. Partner. Mom. Daughter. Volunteer. Therapist in a group text. You’ve mastered the to-do list and the calendar color-coding. But somewhere along the way, you paused — or never even asked yourself a very important question:
What do you actually want?
If you’ve hit midlife and feel like you don’t quite recognize yourself within all of these roles you inhabit, welcome. You’re not broken. You’re just buried.
This month, we’re peeling it back.
Who Are You Underneath the “Shoulds?”
We spend so much energy trying to be who we think we should be that we lose touch with who we actually are. It’s easier to follow the path of least resistance by adopting the values, beliefs and routines handed to us by family, work or the world around us. And for a while, it feels fine. Until one day, it doesn’t.
That’s when the slow fade begins from your truth.
You say “yes” when you mean “no.” You shrink instead of shine. You keep peace at the expense of your own needs. You numb the resentment with wine, online shopping or doom scrolling pretending it’s fine. (It’s not.)
And then one day, you realize you’ve built a life that looks good but doesn’t feel like you.
So, How Do You Find Her Again?
We’ve been working our way here all series long.
- Uncover your values.
- Use them to make better decisions.
- Protect your energy.
- Lead with alignment.
And now? It’s time to come home to yourself.
Quick Action: Tiny Clues to the Real You
Ask yourself:
- What did I love before anyone told me what was cool?
- What do I crave when life feels overwhelming?
- What would I do if no one was watching and I didn’t need to be productive?
These aren’t personality quiz questions — they’re clues. Follow them.
Maybe you used to write. Propagate plants. Make killer playlists. Maybe you were the ringleader of themed parties or spent hours rearranging your furniture for no reason. That version of you isn’t gone. She’s just waiting for you to remember her.
This isn’t about blowing up your life. It’s about reclaiming it. You don’t have to burn it all down. Just start making space for the parts of you that got left behind.
Start there. The rest will come.
Still need a little help figuring out what your values are? No worries — I created a free Values Discovery Guide to walk you through it.
Katy Ripp is a certified coach, business strategist, and podcast host of “#ActuallyICan.”
